Do you ever wonder if people wonder about you? Like maybe they saw something today that reminded them of you. Or they heard your name. Or they just really miss you or your voice or your smile. I just wonder about who wonders about me.
(via tourmalineriver)
Sometimes a girl needs rough, kinky, wild sex, but some nights she just really needs a long, intentional, passionate kiss..
Tonight is one of those nights.
(Source: weheartit.com, via undo-my-scars)
i need someone to hold my hand and tell me I’m okay cause i feel like I’m fucking breaking
(via demons-in-my--head)
My name is Sadrianna.
I’m am 18 years old.
I stand at about 5'8"
One year ago I was at my thinnest at 135lbs. Same height.
Since then I quit cheering, stopped working out, started working insane hours, gone through a few insane mental breakdowns, stopped eating healthy, graduated, started college, and have gained 35 pounds.
I have body dismorphia.
I hate to look at myself. In any way.
I hate to admit to myself that I’m a fat slob.
I hate to see those numbers on the scale climbing every day.
I hate that I try to convince myself to get up and do something about it but I’m too depressed to move.
I hate that I’m good for nothing at all anymore.
I hate that I’m so self conscious I refuse to let my boyfriend see me naked.
I hate that I’m a full time student with a full time job that never seems to have ANY money to invest in a personal trainer
And I hate that it’s come down to me needing a trainer in order to get me motivated to do anything with my life.
I hate that I can’t look people in the eye because I live in constant fear that every person is looking at me in disgust at how big I am.
I hate that I can’t be the woman my man deserves.
And I hate that I have to try and validate my own feelings to myself because damn it if this was really a problem why don’t I fix it but good God it’s so.. hard..
I hate that I feel the need to hide myself away from my boyfriend because I’m too embarrassed for him to see me.
I hate that I feel like any time he tells me I’m beautiful the words burn his throat as they leave.
I hate feeling good so ugly and worthless
And I hate not being about to wear jeans all day because they’re so tight I can’t stand to stay in them for being uncomfortable when once upon a time even with a belt the same jeans would fall off my hips
I hate myself for what I have done to my own once beautiful body.
I just really
Hate
Me.
Before You Love Me, I want you to know that I am a thinker. Every little thing you say or do I will most likely over analyze it and sometimes I may turn nothing into a significant something and already I apologize for that.
Before You Love Me, I want you to know that actions truly speak louder than words, but I still love poems and magic of the written word. But never again will I fall for sweet nothings with no action to prove the meaning.
Before You Love Me, I want to inform you that I cant show or express emotion very well, but I am a very emotional person. Things hurt but I wont show it and sometimes I need help but don’t know how to ask for it and most of all I’m not ignoring you I’m really just trying to figure out the words to explain how I feel but nothing ever comes out good enough.
Before You Love Me, please know that I am hard to handle. And I know that I am, but I honestly like it. I truly cherish the little things. They are the ones that mean the most. But because they do, the little things are also the ones that bother me greatly and though they may not seem like anything to you please try to understand from my point of view.
Before You Love Me, understand that I’ve been through some.. things. And at times I got back to a dark place and if I don’t feel like talking at the time, please know that really I cant, and that I’m not hiding things from you but rather just need a support for a little while.
Before You Love Me, I want you to know that though I may be so different, complex and hard to understand- all of which make me hard to handle- You will never find another person who cares as fully, loves so deeply, and would give themselves up more completely for you as I.
Before You Love Me, be sure you’re ready for a wild ride.
(Source: hey-instagram, via seex)
